ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
