I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
