operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
