i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
