I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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