I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
sarcasm needs its own font
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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