i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize