I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
