I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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