You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
