Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so much tequila, so little girl.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
