My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
