these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
