This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
