He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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