Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
