3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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