I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
