Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
