No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
