I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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