i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
