They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
