dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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