Who wears a wallet chain?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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