I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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