Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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