What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
