Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
