you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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