peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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