if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
