He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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