Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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