I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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