so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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