THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
