'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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