im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
