I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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