Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
