He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
