my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i need some magic done to my vagina
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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