It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize