either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
