And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
