woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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