So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
