woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
