And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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