No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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