I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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