I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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