I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
