called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
