This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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