Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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