he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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