Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you never un-have a 4some
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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