Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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