Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
