We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
