The maid of honor just puked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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