I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
